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Middle Path Awareness Sanctuary


The magic of relationship


This page discusses Relationship mechanics and how you can use Eyesite's information to understand what creates attraction and what happens to it over time


Here's looking at you 1
As revealed through your eyes 		Here's looking at you too

This Page contains discussions on :

Some basic views on the relationship mechanism

There is one feature common to initiating all human relationships - attraction . At the start of all relationships there is an allure which inspires the two individuals to draw closer, to find each other's influence increasingly significant.

Everyone has something they prize Everyone is seeking something important in life - the field of personal development/growth chronicles these efforts. A relationship offers this goal - either as an transitory experience ('falling in love') or as vehicle to attaining the goal oneself ( growing to become 'whole' or 'balanced'). Sustaining the former necessitates attachment to another person (a solid foundation for 'co-dependency') whereas the latter is self-sufficient - 'enlightenment' comes to mind.

If you've ever experienced that 'falling in love' feeling you will no doubt agree that it is a worthy goal in life - even though it may bring exposure to heartbreak. What has this to do with the eyes ? - the irises and the Rayid model offer profound insight into the size and quality of the charge that two people can create together.

How the eye describes relationship opportunities

The most common relationship magnetism is complementary ('that which brings to completion') or 'opposites attract' and these offer the strongest bonding opportunities. Complementary relationships are formed between people with opposite eye structures - Rayid classifies Jewel~Flower and Stream~Shaker as opposite structures. The What the Iris Structures mean page shows how this works.

Jewel Iris Flower Iris For instance Jewels prefer auditory expression and visual intake - Flowers prefer visual expression and auditory intake - one loves to talk and watch, the other to listen and show - a perfect match ! This balance extends throughout the personality archetypes , the Flower is a master of release (letting go) whilst the Jewel knows about control (building up). These complementary life-skills create the attraction.

Shaker Iris Stream Iris For the Shaker - Stream type of complementary relationship the attractive forces are stillness and activity (or stability and instability). Streams excel at stillness and stability - their growth lies in the direction of change - the home ground of the shaker. Conversely the shaker, to whom inactivity is anathema learns through stillness and inaction - guess who is master of this ?

There are other bonding mechanisms for relationships - we'll get around to these in pages-to-come - common to all is the fundamental aspect of sharing the process of learning.

What do we get out of relationship?

spiralling treasures
That most precious of all gifts on earth - the best teacher (for you ) in the world! Providing, that is, you have some constructive attitudes about the purpose of your life in relation to your own development / evolution.

In our quest for wholeness we need teachers to encourage us to learn the lessons/skills/abilities to operate as a whole person. A person who is skilled in operating throughout the entire spectrum of human expression is ideal but quite rare on the face of the planet. The next-best choice is someone who is skilled in those areas where we ourselves need instruction and guidance - and what better classroom than a relationship?

It is the proximity of the complementary skill base ( sounds romantic ? ) that generates the initial feeling of wholeness in a relationship. Being near to someone who returns our attention and who demonstrates their skills in the areas we are 'studying' produces that 'falling in love' feeling. Many think there is no sweeter experience - such attitudes make for some of the less pleasant relationship experiences - they can produce an addiction leading to severe expressions of self-abuse (the battered wife, the hen-pecked husband for instance).

This attraction is largely subconscious - most people are only aware of the end result - life is perfect when the other person is near and worthless otherwise ! The "I can't live without you" syndrome.

Why relationship sour

Growing old together - a forgotten idyll? The time two people can maintain this "idyllic" state of affairs depends upon their willingness to grow and learn from their partner's 'teaching' or demonstrations.

Many couples celebrate 50th anniversaries and longer - alas, in these times of major distraction and social fluidity, many don't reach their 5th.
When relationships become strained, it is typically behaviour in one's partner which seems to be producing the strain. Stepping back from the reactive (pain/anger) cycle enables you to see that the problem behaviour is precisely that which was so appealing at the outset (this does take a degree of objectivity and humility as well) familiar feel?

Why ? - because that behaviour is a demonstration of the life-skill or ability which you need to learn. At the start it was a sign of desirability, a certificate of suitability. It has now developed into a reminder of the lesson which needs to be learned - a skill which needs to be acquired. And who appreciates a partner who is constantly (even if subconsciously) drawing one's attention to lessons to be learnt ?

Giive me space After all - have you ever felt like saying "Don't tell Me what to do !" or perhaps the phrase "Get off My back !" is more familiar. They are both ways of saying "I am finding your influence stressful" notice it is the person's influence and NOT the person which is perceived as the cause of stress! Although, at the time, it takes a degree of skill and committment to keep remembering that fact.

The stress is merely growing pains - the reaction a sign that the basic stuff of the relationship is alive and well and that the 'conscious ego' (for want of a better term) is resisting the relationship's growth goals.

What can we do about it ?

'Endure', 'roll with the punches', 'give each other space' and so on spring to mind - however, while sound advice, I believe there are superior responses.

A common choice these days: grow together or grow apart? The simple step of recognizing that it is the other's behaviour and not the person is immensely empowering towards taking the sting out of the tumult. Accepting responsibility for your own feelings and reactions is another major step forward. Embracing an understanding of the mechanism which is operating is a third stepping stone across the river of reaction.

I find that one good ally is awareness - to develop an understanding of the nature of your relationship. By becoming conscious of the strengths and purpose of your being together you empower yourselves with an arsenal of tools, abilities and choices - conflict turns into co-operation in it's fullest sense.

Many people find it a challenge to persuade their egos that this is, in fact, the case. However you will either be master of your ego or your ego will be master of you - the choice, effort and rewards are yours!

The greatest delight awaits for couples who undertake a conscious relationship - Mills and Boon becomes autobiographical, fantasy turns into fact ! Strong words but - if you know a conscious couple - ask them. I'm not saying it's easy - I am saying the destination is worth the journey.

How your eyes describe your relationship opportunities

Here's looking at you too There are several mechanisms which contribute to forming relationships - as the Rayid model describes them - the principle attraction is magnetic ~ 'opposites attract'. Eye structure, hemispheric dominance and energetic disposition all interact in this mechanism.

So we see flowers and jewels forming long-term (who knows what that means, these days ?) relationships. Introverts tend to attract extroverts and vice versa - however for pure physical attraction the hemispheres pull the strings.

The physical or sexual pull is dominated by brain pattern - brain dominance ( see hemisphere usage ). Left brain dominant individuals are usually sexually unappealing to other, similarly dominant, individuals. Thus we find the sexual attraction within a relationship waxing and waning as individuals change their hemispheric dominance. (These comments relate to heterosexual relationships)




You can have a Rayid Interpretation at Middle Path in one of 2 flavours:

Personal Discovery

A one-hour session imparting an intimate, compassionate understanding of the mechanics of your personality, gifts and challenges in life. Opportunities will arise for you to discuss appropriate activities to create balance and inner peace and harmony.

Relationship Discovery

A one-hour (or longer if appropriate) session imparting an intimate, compassionate understanding of the mechanics of attraction; focussing on what you and your partner offer each other in relationship.




this document www.middlepath.com.au/eyesite/relatns.phpwas last updated on 16 Jun 08 ||